I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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