I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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