woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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