last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
