Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
