i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
