i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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