Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize