..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
