i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
