oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
