My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
