im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
