I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize