I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
