When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
