he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
