woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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