my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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