I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
