i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
