While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize