I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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