Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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