uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
