then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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