When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
