So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize