Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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