I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize