I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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