I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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