Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
