So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
