Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
