Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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