Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize