I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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