btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
