i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
