That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
