Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
