I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
