And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
