people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
only if we run a train.
done.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
