The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
