They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
honey bunches of taint.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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