So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize