Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
