My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
