I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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