you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
