there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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