Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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