Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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