There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
