its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
