That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
