I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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