I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
