ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
