We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I understand Curling. That high.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
