what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
