That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize