eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
