Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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