I need help removing her.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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