Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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