My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
