Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize