your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize