I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
