we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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