i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
