just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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