I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
