i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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