I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if only i could text you this smell
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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