and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
