Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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