Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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