Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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