5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
