Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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