How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize