An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
