Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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