i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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