I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
