Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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