There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
