I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
