I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
